How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself

Mermaids, It’s me Sami! 

I want you to stop and reflect today if you are a woman who is constantly being hard on herself in different areas of her life.

This is a critical reflection because if you are hard on yourself and always beating yourself up, you will also attract men who will do the same to you in the long run!

They will be critical of you, unsupportive, place blame on you for everything and remind you constantly of what’s lacking in you – in other words, they will just “mirror” your own attitude towards yourself.

Isn’t it a bit strange that we women are kind and compassionate to every person who comes our way except ourselves?

We are kind to stray cats and dogs, we are kind to our ailing grandpa, kind to our husband or boyfriend when he is having issues at work but we forget, time and again, to be kind to ourselves.

how to stop being so hard on yourself

In our daily life, being hard on ourselves could look like –

  • Blaming ourselves for the way our life looks right now.
  • Being unable to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake.
  • Being harsh on ourselves for every single perceived weakness of ours. I am not tall enough or thin enough kind of attitudes play in here.  
  • Using derogatory words for ourselves like, “I am stupid, dumb, an idiot, a fool, I can never get this right, I never do anything right.” All forms of self-degrading language qualifies under being hard on yourself.

Not surprisingly, over the past few weeks, almost 100% of the women who have bought and read my E-book, “Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment. Learn How To Inspire A Man’s Full Devotion,” have written back to me with great reviews for the book telling me how MUCH they learnt but they have also unanimously shared that they are dealing with a huge sense of guilt and self-blame because they have made all the possible mistakes that are outlined in the book!

Hence, in today’s piece I want to help these women and all those of you are being SO hard on yourselves! Consider the following 3 perspectives:

1) Mistakes or opportunities for growth?

Perspective is everything.

Every time I make a mistake, I tell myself – “Awesome. I learn’t something new. I am a richer and wiser person. Won’t repeat this ever again. Yay!”


I choose to do this instead of saying, “Holy crap. It’s the old me again. Doing the same nonsense again. Why the hell can’t I ever get this straight?”

Do you feel the difference in the 2 attitudes?

The first attitude is not only kinder towards myself but it is also forward-moving! It helps me keep moving forward in life with a positive and self-loving attitude and attracts men with healthy attitudes towards me, like my husband.

The 2nd attitude is harsher, it’s self-critical and it would attract similar men to me – men who would blame me for my mistakes, men who would criticize my imperfections.

So now tell me, which attitude would a healthy person choose when it comes to mistakes? Which attitude would you choose?

2) If you won’t love you, who will?

Yes you are imperfect. I mean OF COURSE you are imperfect!

That’s being human right? You would be God otherwise, if you were perfect.

Now knowing that you are imperfect – you make mistakes, you are irrational at times, you are moody and unreasonable at other times, you don’t have the perfect height or hair, the question is – Can you still love yourself and forgive yourself?

The truth is – if you won’t love you, if YOU can’t even bring yourself to love yourself, it will be very hard to find a man who will be inspired to love you… 

So again – Which is the wiser choice?

3) You were doing the best you could at that given moment.

I know you made every possible mistake outlined in the book. I know you feel regret about all the men you pushed away because of those mistakes.

But here’s the thing – You were doing the best you could at that given moment, given the knowledge you had back then!

Today you know more. Today you are better informed. Today you will take different choices than you took back then. Today you are not the same old person that you used to be – Thanks to all the knowledge you gained along along the way and all the work you did on yourself.

Isn’t that a wonderful feeling? A wonderful thing.. That you have the power to change your future within you?

Your mistakes brought you to this stage in your life where you are growing and learning new tools to create a better, happier love life for yourself in the future…

Perhaps it would also help you to know that I’ve made every single mistake outlined in the book myself and here I am – happily, blissfully married with a man who treats me like a queen!

If I can create this life after all those mistakes, so can you!

If only you can embrace the right attitudes…one little baby step at a time and keep moving forward! My ebook will help with this!

Leave a comment below to let me know how this felt for you and share with me where you have been hard on yourself and how you would like to change it. I ALWAYS love to hear back from my mermaids!

To being madly forgiving and loving of ourselves,

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder

Dating and Relationship Coach at Sami Wunder Coaching
Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams.

Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams. Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.